if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
