Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
