i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
