he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
