The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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