I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
