Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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