Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
