I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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