I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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