thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
