All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
