She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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