I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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