I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
