We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
