John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
