Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Pants are for mortals
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
