your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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