if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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