I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
