How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize