Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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