I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
