No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
