i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
