Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
