I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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