you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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