just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
