its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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