that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
