Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize