I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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