Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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