I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
