I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
