I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
