I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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