It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
