either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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