I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
