I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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