Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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