My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
how does that bad decision feel?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
