her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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