then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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