i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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