just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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