So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
