So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
