My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
