Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
