You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
