Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
