i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
