I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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