just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
