If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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