people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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