hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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