dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
