I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
