i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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