he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
