how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
