weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
zippers are such a cool invention
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
