I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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