Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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