Your face is a jimmy john
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
