so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize