i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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