Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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