OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
