Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize