i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
