i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
