Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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