Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
