You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
