He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
