i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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