you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
