He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
