sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
