Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
