What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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