It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize