You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
