Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize