i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
