Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
