just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
