my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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