Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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