so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize