are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
