we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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