one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
