Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
