i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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