I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
