Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize