help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
