Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
