Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
