So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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