I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
