Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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