Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
