dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize