Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize