True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My ass is underappreciated
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
