I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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